Yes, I'm Still Alive....

I have not been on here or even written a post since November! It seems totally impossible but lets face the facts - its true!

So much has gone on that I would not even begin to know where to start. Maybe evenentually I will get you all caught up at where I am but I know it will not happen in this post.

What is still the same? I still have 5 kids and my husband is still missing in action most of the week while I struggle to get everyone to practices, games, school events and doctor appointments.

I am still struggling with my depression and probably even more so than I was in November. I am making it through every day though. Slowly but surely.

I have totally missed this. I missed my blog and the comments. I just didn't have the mental energy or strength to express myself and put it into words.

I have come to the conclusion that writing on my blog is very helpful with my depression. It helps me to be social instead of just living in my own little world.

So, expect to see me a lot more. I know it is going to be a struggle but I am going to give it my all!

Who I've Become

Wow, it's really been over a week since I posted.

Please forgive me. I just haven't felt like myself. Whoever that self is.

I feel like I am in some sort of limbo that I can't get out of. Between losing my job, all these health problems, sick kids and just life in general - I just feel like running away sometimes.

I know that is an awful thing to say but it's the truth. I have just been in this funk and haven't exactly known what to do with myself. I have questioned myself many times about exactly what is my purpose. Am I just a mother? Is that how I am defined? I feel like I have lost myself but I feel guilty for even thinking that.

My kids depend on me and I love being a mother but sometimes I just want to be called something else. I am sure I am not the only one who feels like this. I just have had a hard time dealing with this over the last week.

I just want to feel like myself again - whoever that may be. I'm just not sure who myself really is anymore. I am tired of being an anxiety ridden mother/wife who feels like she has no purpose but to wait on kids and a husband 24/7.

Sorry for the rant but I feel much better now that I have put it all into words. That really helps sometimes. So, back to trying into my groove and not feeling like I am in such a funk!

Impossible To Get Along With!

Let me be honest. I have been hell to live with these last couple of days. I have been bitchy and well just plain out mean.

Let me take you back to Thursday. I told you earlier this week how my hair has been falling out and I had blood work to find out what the problem is. Thursday I got those results back. Turns out I have a hormonal imbalance and hypothyroidism. So, now I am on a slew of drugs and I feel worse than I did before.

I feel like my hormones are really out of wack now that I started taking the medicine. I am a basket case. I don't know why but I handled the hormonal thing okay. I mean I am taking it that I will get those regulated and I can then stop the medicine. The thyroid issue really bothers me. I know that the medicine for it is a lifelong thing now. That bothers me. It has had me upset. And I hate to tell my hubby this because it is just plain silly. I mean it could be a lot worse.

So, instead of these meds making me feel better - so far they have made me feel worse. Is there an end in sight? I sure hope so cause its pretty bad when you know you are bitchy but you can't seem to control it!

Google+ For Your Blog?

Google+ finally released the option to create an account for your business or brand. I was anxiously awaiting this release and was happy when it finally happened. Don't ask me why! I just like new things I guess.

So how many of you created a Google+ for your blog? Do you think it will help your blog or do nothing at all?

I still don't have many followers on my Google+ for my blog but I am sure that will change as the time goes and it becomes more popular.

If you have a Google+ add it below! I love finding new circles on Google+!! Be sure to add mine too!

5QF

It's Friday! YAY!!

I am linking up with Mama M. for 5 Question Friday. So here we go:

1. What's the last thing you too much money on?
That would have to be my iPad! I love my iPad but I could have lived without it except I needed it for school. Not only was the iPad too much but so are all of the Apps that I download all the time!! Those $.99 Apps add up fast!

2. What celeb chef would you want to make you dinner?
Well I don't really watch cooking shows and I probably couldn't name you one celebrity chef. Spongebob consumes my TV! I don't need a celeb chef to make me dinner - I would be happy with a dinner out with my husband without any kids tagging along!

3. Where do you hide things when visitors pop over or do you let them see the real deal?
Most of the time I show the real deal. Sometimes I stuff things in my little office and usually never bring them back out. That might be why my office is overflowing with junk!

4. Who is your oldest living family member?
That would be my Grandma. I won't reveal her age but she is way past retirement but she still works every day. I can only hope I have that much energy at her age.

5. What is you favorite DQ tree and/or Sonic drink combo (i.e.: cherry vanilla dr. pepper)?
Well unfortunately we don't have a DQ or Sonic near me. I'm not even sure where the nearest one is?? So I can't really give you a fave!

There are my 5 answered questions! You can link up too by clicking here!




Be sure to check out my other post here and link up your blog. I may be your newest follower!

It's Just Hair....

Back in the Summer I went to my doctor for headaches and to get some help with weight loss. After evaluating me she decided to put me on Topamax which would help in both areas.

It worked great! My headaches went away and I lost a lot of my weight. I was overjoyed to be finally getting back on track.

Fast forward - About 6 weeks ago I noticed I was losing a lot more hair than usual. I mean I don't think you are suppose to clog the drain in the tub everyday. When I pulled my hair back I really noticed it because I didn't have much of a ponytail.

After researching Topamax, I found that others were losing hair on the drug. So, I quit taking it about 5 weeks ago thinking that would stop my hair from falling out. As of todayI am still losing just as much hair as I was 5 weeks ago.

I headed up to the doctor on Monday and was told it had nothing to with the Topamax. (I'm not so sure) She gave me a list of things it could be and decided to run A LOT of tests. So, now I get to play the waiting game until they call me with the results. I am really hoping this is something fixable.

Has anybody else had this experience?

Be sure to check out my other post here and link up your blog. I may be your newest follower!

When It Rains, It Pours

On Sunday I mentioned how my little online job had cut my hours back, well today I got word that they let me go. So, now I won't even be getting a little money - I will be getting nothing. Very depressing. I'm not sure what I will do now. I have been unsuccessful at finding anything new.

So, my whole mood is totally down and I don't know where to begin. I feel like my depression is getting the best of me today. I am totally unmotivated and find myself just sitting on the couch watching Sponge Bob with the kids.

I miss my husband. I want him home more than ever. These are the days I really wish he was home. I know he will be home on Wednesday evening but it seems like an eternity away.

Yes, this such a blah post but it's exactly how I feel. I need to pick myself up and move forward but it's hard when you don't know what the future holds.

Be sure to check out my other post here and link up your blog. I may be your newest follower!